Our expert helps you through the various crises of the relationship – and tells you when it’s time to say stop.
Do you know the feeling of missing your boyfriend when he is not with you, yet does he irritate you every time you’re together? Or do you love your boyfriend all over the world, but are sorry for his eternal jealousy when you hang out with your male friends?
Relationships are not always a dance on red roses, but there is still plenty of torn in it. Therefore, it is also important sometimes to consider whether it is also the right relationship you are in and address your problems.
According to the therapist, coach and sexologist Christiane Meulengracht, crises are not something you have to run away from, but instead something you should try to solve – it only makes you stronger.
Christiane Meulengracht gives you answers to how you can get through the small (and big) bump of the couple – and when a relationship is no longer worth staying in.
He is jealous
Do you feel that your boyfriend is very jealous – even if you do not think he has any reason for it – and does it drain your relationship to energy?
In such a situation, it’s important that you talk with your girlfriend about why he becomes so jealous, tells our expert. For perhaps there is actually a very specific reason that he reacts as he does: for example, he has experienced past failures.
You can easily work through the conflict by remembering to talk together. If the jealousy is violent, it may also be a good idea to consult a therapist – jealousy can bump into many different things, and it may require different solutions.
He gets you on
If your boyfriend has begun to get you on, it’s not about him, says Christiane Meulengracht. Instead, it’s about what his behavior is going on with you.
Our expert tells us that we actually end up annoying ourselves the same as we once fell for: We have just turned the positive into something negative. You fell in love with the lifeguard – now you are annoyed by his laziness.
Consider why special features of your boyfriend irritate you: Maybe you’re deaf because your lover does not allow yourself to be. When you know why certain features of your boyfriend annoy you, you can start working on your own reaction.
You do not feel appreciated
Here again, it’s about how you interpret his behavior – rather than the behavior itself.
For example, it may be if he has forgotten your birthday. Christiane Meulengracht says that you can either interpret it as if he does not care or you can consider whether there may be external factors that make him forget it – for example, he is very busy at the moment, and that in no way is it about you or your relationships.
We, women, have many lovely qualities, but one of our less good is that we may tend to forget that men are not mind-minders (but actually just ordinary people). He needs you to say exactly what you want from him.
You are very different
Are you and your boyfriend very different? You neither can nor can change your boyfriend, nor is it meant that you should be the same, says the partner. Accept your differences, and use it as something contractive to prosecute.
Keep in mind, however, that your diversity does not in any way give your boyfriend the right to decide or control your behavior. If that’s something you’re experiencing, it’s very important that you say.
Sex life is dead
There may be many reasons why sex life is not the same as it once was. However, you are likely to become what the expert calls “unisex”.
Women are as strong and self-employed as men. No doubt about it. However, problems may arise when we forget the balance and we women take control completely.
“You do not have to be actionable and first on the pitch always. Allow yourself to accept, “advises Christiane Meulengracht. “It is very strong to dare to stand in its vulnerability and surrender,” she concludes.
Are you in doubt about your feelings?
It’s not always easy to get smart on your own feelings, and maybe you’re actually in doubt whether you really love your boyfriend. It is up to you to notice if you have warm feelings for him, but our expert comes with a good advice:
“Ask yourself: Is it fear or love that makes you with this man?”
She can tell that about half of the marriages that do not end in divorce do not get together because of love for each other – but for fear of being alone.
So if you can honestly answer that it’s not love, see the fear in your eyes – it deserves both you and him.
In these situations, you must always go
Although it is neither in our nor an expert’s power to tell you when to leave a boyfriend, there are some scenarios where there is no doubt:
“If you live in a mental, physical, sexual, material or digitally violent relationship, then you must go,” states Christiane Meulengracht. “It also applies if you find that your girlfriend is psychopathic or narcissistic,” she emphasizes.
However, she also acknowledges that in such situations, it is far from easy to get out of the relationship and rarely is something you can do on your own. If you suspect your girlfriend is either psychopathic or narcissistic, then you may need to seek help to get out of the relationship.