how to solve problems with love

7 typical problems with love: how to solve them

When you have trouble with love, it does not have to be your partner (or lack of the same) that’s something wrong with. Here are seven signs that your problems can be linked to your own relationship with love.



1. A complicated relationship with your parents can cause problems with love

Your relationship with other people depends largely on what you, as a child, learned from your parents about love. So if you are encircling or does not like to be close to another human being, it is about not learning to be safe with other people of your parents. The insecurity we experience with our parents, we, according to psychotherapist and partner Anne-Dorthe Davidsen, carry with us in adulthood. Therefore, we often choose unconsciously a partner where we can get the same link we had to our parents.

You can do that:

Look back and become aware of your connection with your parents. Then you will better understand why you react, as you do, in your own relationship, thus giving you the opportunity to change your pattern. It may require professional help from a psychologist or psychotherapist to spot his connection pattern and work to change it.

2. You can not pretend to be single

You have been in a few long and several short relationships. Each time a relationship breaks and you live alone, you feel lonely and get restless. You hate being single. Perhaps you exude desperation in your eagerness to find a boyfriend and therefore find it hard to find a partner. Or you too are too uncritical and end up with the wrong one.

You can do that:

Practice keeping yourself and being alone with yourself, otherwise, you will not get a relationship that is beneficial to you. Think about: Why is it so hard to be alone? What scares you to be without a partner? Perhaps you have the idea that one is only successful if you have a partner. In that case, you can work with your beliefs – who says that you should be in a relationship to be happy?



3. You will be disappointed

You are attracted to men who are not good for you. Perhaps you choose those that are easily accessible and let you know because you unconsciously have an idea that you are not worth more. You imagine that you can be happy with the time, even if you’re not at the start. But it just does not happen.

You can do that:

If you continue to be disappointed with the men you fall for, according to partner Anne-Dorthe Davidsen, you are unaware of what you are attracted to. It is important for our people to feel safe and so we often choose what we are used to – even if it is not good for us. Such is the case, for example. for women who choose violent or alcoholic men. If you have a violent partner, then get help getting out of it. And even if you do not have a violent or alcoholic partner, it’s important to learn to listen to yourself. Often you feel that it is not right and it is important to act on it. You do not necessarily have to break out of the relationship, but in the first place, it is important that you talk about your wishes and desires.

4. You forget yourself

You have not used to being loved unconditionally as the children of your parents. You should perform or be in a certain way to get love. As an adult, you continue the pattern and are only taken care of by your partner’s expectations and needs. In other words, you forget yourself.

You can do that:

Often we are pleasure in several areas of life, and not only in love life. Work to find out what you need, instead of focusing only on the needs and expectations of others. Try to get your needs covered so you get the life you want. It can be difficult to accept that you are the most important person in your life if you have not been used to it. It may, therefore, feel selfish to go after your needs, even if it is not. Therapy can be helpful.



5. You set for unrealistic requirements

You have been single for a long time and have a lot of demands on how your next girlfriend should be. He must have brown eyes, dark curly hair, have a high position, serve well, be masculine and at the same time sensitive. He must fulfill all your dreams. Your expectations are soaring and you are very critical. You are having trouble finding the right man.

You can do that:

When you put so high demands, you limit yourself and it becomes almost impossible to find love. If you have too many times tried to get your checklist checked, you can start looking more realistic about a future partner. Where can you compromise? If he is only 183 cm tall and not 185 cm, then it will be enough. Also look at yourself – can you meet all the requirements you expect a partner to meet?

6. You represent the relationship

You are absolutely crazy about him and can not get enough of him. You are so busy fulfilling your own needs and forgetting completely looking at what he needs. So you will always be with him, send him constant loving text messages and are already packing the moving boxes to move in with him, even though you have almost met each other. You will also have children with him at a speed because your biological clock is ticking.

You can do that:

You may risk your girlfriend feeling cramped and fleeing from you if you drive the relationship. It may also prove that you are moving too fast compared to what is good for yourself. Why should it go so fast? Also, pay attention to your boyfriend – does he show signs that it’s too fast for him? He may not respond immediately to your text messages. Work with your patience. Give it time – even so, you can follow. Do not panic, even if your biological clock is ticking. It’s important that you choose the right partner to have children with.



7. You do not think others can love you, as you are

You have learned that you have to be different from the one you are basically in order to get love. Perhaps you, as a child and young person, received a lot of criticism from your parents or became grieved for what you stood for. You have therefore learned not to say your true meaning, but used to say what others mean. You tie yourself and show only the outside world a facade to get love.

You can do that:

You are on hard work if you pretend to be perfect or to be the one you think your partner wants. It’s winding up in the long run and your partner will be disappointed when he discovers that you are in fact responsible for something completely different from what he thought when you could no longer hold the facade. Work with your self-esteem, because when you love yourself, you know that others must take you as you are. When you are yourself, by others where they have you and only then you can get the care and love you need.



 

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